


be alright

by starlightdaydreams



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Drama & Romance, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda melodramatic, eventually, kinda a heavy T, sad times and sexy times, shrug emoji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-12-07 13:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20976713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightdaydreams/pseuds/starlightdaydreams
Summary: "We shouldn't be doing this." She whispered."Then leave." Catra smirked, showing off her catlike fangs."But I don't want to leave." The other woman leaned in close, her lips brushing the side of Catra's face.--------------------------------------------------------------------------It seemed like Catra had made every last mistake in the world. When ghosts from her past come back in full force, partnered with someone who had never left her side, will she finally feel like she can control her own destiny?





	1. Chapter 1

"I am on top of the motherfucking world right now." Catra whispered to herself as she carefully put teardrop earrings into her piercings. They were sapphires in the middle, a gift from an old admirer from a few years ago, and they matched the rich cobalt evening gown that fit perfectly around her body. Distantly, she could hear her cellphone buzz from across the spacious hotel room. She cradled it in her hand as she picked it up, noticing Adora's name flash on the phone. _Might as well open it._

_catra we need to talk_

Catra frowned at Adora's message as she put her phone on silent and tucked it into her clutch bag. Talking to her childhood best friend had never gone well, not since college. Catra pushed Adora out of her mind, and with a few pushes of the glass elevator's buttons, she was downstairs. The company gala was in full swing when she arrived, alight with the stream of chatter, dozens of people all dressed to the nines. It was when she walked over to the snack table that she caught a glimpse of Scorpia. Her dress was dark crimson, form-fitting with a slit up the side, probably designer. A speech was starting on stage but it felt a million miles away. Catra opened her mouth, searching for words, searching for the right anything. 

Before she could finish her sentence, the speech was wrapping up. ".......but of course, I couldn't have done it without the beautiful and intelligent Catra Garcia!" 

The man on stage was Mark Septon. Heir to Horde Enterprises. Catra's fiance. 

"Oh my God." Catra took the mic into her hands, pointedly ignoring the way Mark looked at all the waitresses. "I am so happy to be here." _I'm so happy. I'm on top of the world. _Catra told herself. It was a mantra, but realistically, why shouldn't she be happy? To the world, she looked like she had everything together. "To be vice president of finance at one of the top companies in this country has been a dream come true, but not as much as being with my fiance." She took his hand, squeezed it, flashed a smile for the cameras, was able to bare a quick kiss. She took a deep breath, her voice shaky. "But I also....I couldn't have done this without our art director and my....my best friend, Scorpia Chang!" 

"Aww, Catra! Shucks, I didn't do anything." Scorpia's face turned as red as a tomato, but she was clearly enjoying the attention. _It's the least I could do. _

As the speeches stretched into the night, Catra stared up into the chandelier, idly holding Mark's limp hand. She could hear Adora's voice in her head, angrily reprimanding her, telling her she was better than all this, asking if she had any integrity. It was always Adora. _Adora needs to get out of my life. I've been a good fiance, haven't I? Mark has been good to me, hasn't he?_ She looked at Mark with a piercing gaze. _It's normal to feel nervous- I'm dating one of the most successful men in the country. It's normal to have a knot in my stomach...._

She and Scorpia locked eyes from across the room. Even all dressed up, Scorpia crossed her eyes and made a silly face, and Catra playfully rolled her eyes. 

_I'm blocking Adora's number when I get home. _

\-------------------------------------------

_ Five Years Ago _

_ Don't fall in love with a straight girl. _ It was the litany of every lesbian since the beginning of time, yet Adora couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat as she and Catra cuddled up next to each other in Adora's dorm bed, the dingy walls of the room that they shared illuminated by fairy lights strung everywhere. 

"Just, I wanna make something out of my life, you know?" Catra leaned back. "I wanna be someone important, someone who people look up to, someone powerful, but it just all seems so far away...I'm not really good at anything. " 

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to. You always find a way- you're ambitious like that." Adora adjusted her messy ponytail. She was dead tired from practice, but wanted to listen to Catra more than anything in the world. "Anyways....how was that date you went on this weekend?" Some part of her wanted to know, but some other part of her just wanted to forget that Catra had even gone on that date. 

"It went." Catra fiddled with a corner of her blanket. "It's just....I can't....I'm no good at relationships is all. I think maybe I like the idea of them being into me more than I like them, you know?" She ran a hand through her unruly hair. "Maybe I just won't date anyone for a while. Wouldn't it be nice to just live together with your best friend instead? Like, not just in college, but forever? We could come home and cook together and watch movies and it would be like a sleepover every night." 

"Oh, y-you don't really mean that." Adora stuttered. The idea of that was too good to be true. Surely Catra would miss dating men or having a boyfriend if it was just the two of them. 

"I don't....I don't know what I mean." For once, Adora saw vulnerability in her best friend's eyes. "Just....Adora, you're so pretty and an amazing friend and an incredible person and honestly sometimes I think to myself...." 

Adora felt all too aware of their hands practically on top of each other, of Catra inching closer and closer. "What if there was some kinda spark between us? Like, maybe I sound totally crazy right now, but what would you honestly think?"

Their lips had already met before Adora started her sentence, and neither of them pulled away. Adora felt herself running her fingers through Catra's hair, Catra's wrists wrapped around her waist. 

"I would like that, I think." She gazed into Catra's brightly colored eyes, thinking there was nothing in the world that could drive them apart, how this could be the start of something entirely amazing.


	2. Chapter 2

_ "You know I didn't mean to hurt you!" Catra looked at Adora with pleading eyes. _

_"That's the problem, Catra, you never mean to do anything, but you fuck everything up anyways!" _

_\---------------------------------_

_One Year Ago _

"Adora, could you please pick up the goddamn phone?" Catra gritted her teeth, trying to wipe away the tears streaming down her face. She stared at her phone, before sighing and staring up at the pure white walls of the company bathroom. _ Crying in the company bathroom. Living the dream, Catra. _ "

You good in there?" She heard the door pounding. _ At least Entrapta still gives a damn about me. _ Catra opened the door, hoping Entrapta wouldn't notice the redness around her eyes, or her chewed up nails.

"Sorry, I'm just stressed." Catra pouted, thinking of the fight she had with Mark earlier in the day. What scared her hadn't even been the fight, it had been how little she cared. When she was crying, she knew it wasn't really about the fight, it was about how out of place she felt in her own relationship. _ Whatever. It's not like I'll find someone I'm attracted to anyways. Plus, he's the whole reason I'm successful anyways._

"I'm so excited to have lunch with you!" The pink haired engineer clasped her hands together. Despite her many eccentricities, she was one of the friendliest people Catra knew. "My friend Scorpia is coming to eat lunch with us too! She's the new marketing assistant here." 

A tall woman with short ice blonde hair waved at her. "Oh my God, you must be Catra! You're like my idol - I have your interview from Forbes stuck on my fridge, and also can I give you a hug? And also...." 

_This is gonna be a long lunch. _ Catra sighed. However, once Catra got past Scorpia's initial over-enthusiasm, she found herself strangely enjoying seeing the woman around the office and at her lunches with Entrapta. 

"So you're telling me you lived in a van for the past eight months?" Catra raised an eyebrow as she stirred milk into her coffee.   
  
"Yeah, I traveled all around the country- just me and my dog!" Scorpia smiled brightly. "Everyone thought I was crazy, but it was something I'd always wanted to do! Do you have any bucket list plans?" 

"I mean, I feel pretty fulfilled right now." _Getting__ Adora back._ Catra thought bitterly to herself._ Or I guess marrying a nameless faceless man like I always wanted, right? Moving into a house and having 2.5 kids and a station wagon. _

"Oh. That's pretty cool, I guess. Personally, I eventually wanna get a houseboat...." Scorpia continued chatting. _You have to give her one thing: she's pretty independent. And actually kinda funny, when she wants to be. Very positive. Sweet, loyal......maybe we'll be good friends._

\----------------------

"Hi sweetie! How's everything going with Mark? We loved your engagement photos- you look so happy and you're so successful and we're so proud of you!" Catra's parents had Skyped her one day and she nodded along to their words of praise as she brushed her fluffy brown hair. Of course, Catra would tell them how _wonderful_ everything was going and how Mark had taken her out on a date just this week and ignore every bad thing about their relationship. Because why ruin a good thing? 

Catra glanced down at her phone, where a text came through from Scorpia. _we still on for tonight, wildcat? _

_Yep_ Catra texted back. "Okay, I'm seeing a friend tonight, so I gotta go." She hastily ended her video chat, checking her hair and makeup. In the recent months, she and Scorpia had gone from texting casually to texting constantly. They hung out whenever they had a spare moment. Despite Catra often acting annoyed at Scorpia's slightly over the top personality, she had even rearraanged her work schedule to see more of the taller woman. 

"Aw, your apartment is so pretty!" Scorpia said as she walked in a bit a later. "Oh my God, did you make popcorn for us? And hot chocolate? You're literally the best." 

"Geez, you don't have to be so touched by it." Catra playfully rolled her eyes. She grabbed her TV remote and started flipping through all her cable channels. "Let's see if there's anything kinda good on....oh." Catra paused as a movie with two women kissing filled up her screen, and a pit formed in her stomach as she watched them. _They're so pretty. I could never be pretty enough to do something like that..._"Uhm, maybe we should watch something else....." Catra nervously flicked through the channels before settling on an old horror film. "Oh, this is a classic! You're not scared of horror movies, are you?" 

"No, of course not!" Scorpia said with faked confidence. "I love.....agh!" A jump scare using cheap special effects made her practically jump out of her seat, and she clutched Catra's arm for comfort. "I'm n-not scared or anything. " 

"God, you're such a wimp. This is from the 60s, and all the special effects are like puppets or something." Catra said, quickly grabbing a handful of popcorn, ignoring the realization that she liked Scorpia tightly clasped against her a little _too _much. 

_Stop thinking about that. You know her, she's like this with everyone. Plus, you're engaged to someone else. _Guilt filled her mind. _You like spending time with Mark. He's nice. He makes you feel wanted. Sometimes. _She looked over at the woman next to her and sighed. _I didn't mean for this to happen._

_That's the problem, Catra._ Adora's voice rang in her ears. 

\--------------------

"You're spending a lot of time with that new friend of yours. Stacey, is that her name?" Mark asked.   
  
"Nah, it's Scorpia. She's cool. You'd like her." Catra could feel herself start to sweat. _Hang on, I don't need to feel guilty. I haven't done anything wrong._ She thought to herself. She had always been completely transparent about her friendship with the tall blonde, and they had remained at the level of best friends. Maybe closer than best friends, emotionally, but there was no harm in that, was there? No more harm than Mark ogling every girl he saw. 

_ I'm still a shitty person._ She thought to herself as Mark leaned in for a kiss. She let Mark make the kiss deeper, more passionate, pulling her closer to him. 

A lot of times, Catra would imagine that it wasn't really him kissing her - instead she was kissing her pretty college roommate. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine herself tousling Adora's soft golden-blonde hair, kissing her soft pink lips, staring into her sea-blue eyes, letting her hands wrap around her toned body. She usually felt pretty guilty about thinking about Adora while kissing her longterm fiance, but had convinced herself there was nothing wrong with it. It was like....fantasizing about a famous movie star. She and Adora would never be together in real life, not after everything that had happened between them. 

Except this time she didn't.

"Cat, you're never _this_ enthusiastic..." Mark smiled and she smiled back, but she wasn't really thinking of him at all. Instead, she imagined Scorpia's glossy painted lips meeting her own, and remembered her face like it was a map as she pulled Mark closer to her using his tie. The slope of her nose, her high cheekbones, the dark lashes and winged eyeliner that adorned her dark brown eyes, her dyed hair the color of fresh fallen snow. 

_Fuck. You idiot, you absolute idiot. _That night, as Catra lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling, she clenched her jaw as she thought about what she'd done. _You have to see her at work tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that......and she's also your best fucking friend. My best friend who I'm really attracted to and who I share things that I've never shared with anyone else and who I changed my whole work schedule for so I could see her more often. Can't I just....be normal? Please? _

_"......you never mean to do anything...."_

\---------------------------------------------- 

"And so I agreed to the proposal, because it was in front of hundreds of people, but honestly afterwards, I started to have second thoughts." Catra twisted her ring around her finger as she sat in the passenger seat of Scorpia's car. Alone in the car, under the cover of darkness, she felt like she could tell her anything. The road was so full of traffic that they were barely moving. "Just.....I like the idea of it, but I always drag my feet when it's time to commit, you know? No matter how great the guy is." 

"Does Mark even know any of this?" Scorpia gave a half-laugh. 

"No. But why should he? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right?" Catra giggled,but there was sadness in her voice. "I can't really expect him to get me.."

Scorpia took a sharp breath in. "Ok, I don't wanna like, make any assumptions, but... maybe you'd be happier if you...."   
  
Catra quickly cut Scorpia off. "I love Mark. Really. We're fine together." If Adora had been there, she would have prodded Catra into saying what was really wrong, but Adora wasn't there. Instead, Scorpia seemed to take Catra at her word, her eyes focusing on the unmoving road ahead of them. So it was up to Catra to say the words on her mind. “Sometimes, I just feel broken. And the person I came closest to loving romantically was my college roommate. And just....I wanna stay with Mark but I don’t know if I can be....if I can be...”

”Oh, Catra, you’re not broken! Here let’s take this one step at a time.....” Scorpia shifted the unmoving car into park. 

Catra bit her lip as the other woman tried to comfort her, not meeting her eyes. She knew if she asked the question on her mind it would be like playing with fire. But she asked anyway. "......do you have a crush on me?”

”Catra, what is wrong with you?” Scorpia leaned in close, and her voice dropped down to a whisper despite the fact they were locked in a car together. “You are literally engaged to another person.”

"Sorry." Catra's eyes darted around the car. "Sometimes I just think......nevermind, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Jesus." Scorpia put her head in her hands. "Look, do I find you attractive? Yeah. Is seeing you usually the highlight of my day? Yeah. Am I going to enable you to cheat on your fiance? No, because I actually value loyalty and I know you will never find it in yourself to...." Her eyes started to well with tears. 

"I didn't mean to make you upset..... don't want to.....I.....Scorpia, I care about you a lot, you know that. I just want you to be happy." They were quiet for a moment, staring at each other across the aisle of the car, the tension so palpable that Catra could feel her hands shaking. Catra would never quite remember who initially leaned forward but their lips met for a second before they parted. 

"We shouldn't have done that." Scorpia turned away, wiping her mouth with her hand and taking half her lipstick off with it. For once, Catra saw Scorpia for who she really was, not just a constantly kind ball of sunshine, but someone with the same emotional turmoil that Catra had. If Adora had been there, in Scorpia's place, she would have chided Catra, let her know how they couldn't do things like that, have the willpower to ignore her for the rest of their time in the car. 

Catra still found herself leaning in, her eyes wide, thinking of a million things to say,but none of them worth saying.  
  
Scorpia ran a hand through her hair. "Just......tell me this is helping you. Just so I feel less shitty about....this." 

"Do you mean..." Catra never stopped leaning forward, knowing what was probably going to happen, but not stopping, never stopping, just a tidal wave. 

"_..............but you fuck everything up anyways." _

A few minutes later, the traffic still hadn't moved, and Catra found herself straddling Scorpia, Scorpia's hands through her hair, their lips interlocked in a passionate makeout session. _It's been so long since I've felt this way._ A flurry of emotions flashed through Catra's mind - guilt, longing, sadness, desire, - but she never broke apart from Scorpia. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Nine Years ago_

Before everything had gone terribly wrong, Catra and Adora used to tell each other absolutely everything. Good or bad news, they would always tell the other person first. 

"Catra!" Adora appeared at Catra's locker one day, smiling so hard that you could see all her braces. "I have a-ma-zing news!" 

"What, did you get the highest score on a math test again?" Catra laughed, carefully counting out her notebooks. English, Biology, tutoring later today.....

"No, I have a date to junior prom!!!" Adora spun around in excitement. "Her name is Chelsea and we met at softball practice and she asked me during fifth period!! I'm so excited!!"   
  
"That's great, blondie." Catra smiled, leaning against her locker, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. She was happy Adora was happy, but she and Adora always went to dances _together_. They'd get ready together and take pictures and spent the evening dancing together and doing the macarena during slow dances. Where did this leave her now? The awkward third wheel? "We're still going dress shopping together, right?"   
  
"Of course! Do you wanna go to the mall tomorrow?" 

The next day at the mall, the two girls carefully shifted through the piles of discount dresses at the different shops, Adora carefully examining a knee-length red dress. 

"I have a date to the prom now!" Catra said as she peeked through the dresses. "He's from my digital art class and he's a sophomore, and he has a crush on me." 

"Do you like him?" Adora innocently asked. 

"I mean, I guess." Catra wasn't really sure. She hadn't really had crushes on real-life guys - just her favorite celebrities or fictional characters. It was cool that someone had a crush on her though. Plus, most people were starting to date and get boyfriends and stuff.

On prom night, Catra found herself nibbling on her chicken dinner, sitting at a table with her date, Adora and her date, and Adora's other friends, Glimmer and Bow. _Ok, so it's more like a group of friends than a big romantic thing. That makes me feel better. _Although most of the night had been faster dances, a slow dance came on, and Adora's date lead her to the dance floor. Catra's eyes focused on them as Adora gently put her hands around her date's waist, and Catra found it hard to take her eyes off of them. 

"Do you want to dance?" Her date asked.

"N-no. I'm good." Catra rested her head in her palms. "What if we, uh, go take photos in the photobooth? Bow, Glimmer, you in?" They all walked to the photobooth, Catra still just taking in Adora and her wide smile, the way her bright blue eyes sparkled on the dance floor. 

_Shit. Do I have.....romantic feelings? For Adora? _

_Nah, I don't think of her that way. She's my best friend, and I'm definitely straight. It's jealousy - it just sucks to see a couple when I've never felt anything in that way. _

It was only after the prom, when they all went to a diner and Adora rested her head on Catra's shoulder that Catra felt that all was right with the world. _Everything's back to normal now, right? She just wanted a date to the prom, and now we'll go back to being best friends who always put each other first. Nothing is ever gonna change that. _Catra thought, sipping her coffee with a smile on her face.

\--------------------------------------

"OK, so in the past hour, you've been to the bathroom three times and refilled your coffee mug twice, and then just stared at a blank screen for fifteen minutes. Something you wanna share with the office?"

"I'm just distracted. Who wants to do work on a Friday?" Scorpia clicked her pen while staring at her coworker who she had affectionately nicknamed Double Trouble. Truthfully, she was going to a weekend business conference with Catra, and the thought of it had entirely consumed her thoughts.

"Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that." D.T. smirked. Scorpia figured D.T. knew most of the details about Scorpia and Catra's....closeness, but just didn't outright say anything. Most likely, they either didn't care or felt it wasn't their place to pry. Or maybe they did know, and were secretly laughing at Scorpia. _Yeah, I'm having an affair with a woman who's engaged and also claims to be straight. Oh, and she's also engaged to my boss of all people. And I'm also completely in love with her. _

"Hey everyone." Catra calmly walked through the door, piles of paper in her hand. "Ready to head out, Scorpia?"

"Yeah, uhm..... "Scorpia hastily put her coat on and grabbed her satchel, turning to the rest of her department. They were leaving straight from work, so she also had brought a suitcase with her. "You guys can all take the rest of the day off!"

"Ah, I'm so excited!" Catra said as they reached the hallway. "There's also this cool restaurant I want to go to.......oh. Hey, Mark."

"Oh, hey Cat. Hey Sarah." Mark looked up from his phone. 

"Hey." Scorpia gave a slight wave,. She very rarely saw her boss, and it was even stranger to see him with Catra, and the flurry of emotions that it gave her. Part of her felt so guilty for knowingly being "the other woman" - she had always believed cheating was wrong. The other part of her felt sadness and frustration for seeing the normally strong, composed Catra being brought down by him. Scorpia was usually very opposed to violence, but sometimes she also felt the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face.

".....so you're still going to this thing? There's better conferences to be going to, without all those...common people." Mark said, leaning in close to Catra. 

"Yeah, I think it's worth going to." Catra shrugged, staring at her feet. "I'll be back before you notice I'm gone. I...I guess we should, uh..." She stood on tiptoe to kiss him, and Scorpia pretended to be very interested in her phone so she wouldn't have to see them.

She could still hear Mark talking to Catra. "....you still kiss like a piece of cardboard. Maybe you should work on that." _Why does she let him talk to her that way? _ _If she was my girlfriend, I would never speak to her like that. _

"Catra, we gotta go, we're gonna miss the train." She gently took the sleeve of her jacket, taking her outside. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

_Six Years Ago_

"Hey, Adora." Catra whispered, deftly locking the door behind her and tiptoeing in her socks. It was nearly three in the morning, her hair disheveled and her clothes askew. 

"....Catra?" Adora rubbed her eyes. Since they had kissed, she had seen less and less of Catra. Was she avoiding her? "Geez, where were you?" 

"Nowhere." Catra evaded. "Anyways, you should probably go back to sleep, I....." She paused as Adora started to break out into a flurry of coughs. "Ok, so you should probably get that checked out...."   
  
"Yeah, I'll go to the health center tomorrow." Adora managed to say before having another fit of coughs. 

"Let's try to have you not die before then. Take these." Catra gave Adora some medicine and a bottle of water, sitting next to her and gently rubbing her back. 

"Catra....were you hooking up with someone?"   
  
"What? No." Catra's eyes darted around the room. "At least, I didn't mean to. We were just hanging out and then the next thing you know his hands were down my shirt and he was asking me to.......never mind. It doesn't matter. We're gonna get you to feel better so that you can sleep before you go to the doctor." 

"Mhm." Adora was still concerned about Catra, but as she took a sip of the honey-lemon tea Catra had prepared, she could feel her eyelids start to get heavy and her head to start to slip onto the pillow. "You know you mean a lot to me, right?"   
  
"Of course. I care about you a lot too. Now, you need to get some rest, ok?" Her voice was so soothing, the last thing Adora remembered before she drifted off in to a deep sleep.

\----------------------------------------------------

"Wow, Entrapta would have loved that train." Scorpia remarked as she effortlessly took their suitcases down from storage. "So many tiny snacks..." 

"Yeah, we'll steal some for her on the way back." Catra took her suitcase. "Are you good? You've been kinda off the whole ride down."

"I'm fine, I'm just tired." Scorpia just smiled and shrugged. Truthfully, she had a lot on her mind, but never felt like it was a good time to talk to Catra about it. For the past few days, she had been wondering what she really meant to Catra. Was she just an experiment to Catra? Was she only interested in her physically? She was completely enamored with the shorter woman, but that didn't mean she felt the same. She thought about whether or not to ask on the whole way to the Hotel, as Catra expertly bargained a cheaper fare from the taxi driver and then talked the hotel staff into giving them a room upgrade, as she led Scorpia down to the bar.

"Can I get an Old Fashioned and a Cosmopolitan?" Catra asked the bartender, turning to Scorpia as she stirred her drink. "So, tell me about yourself. I feel like you know way more about me than I know about you." 

"Well, I'm pretty boring, honestly. You know that extra little part of Michigan no one really talks about? I'm from there. It was a super tiny town, but every weekend we drove an hour so I could go to Chinese school. I was a cheerleader all through high school, so I guess that's kinda interesting. I went to Western Michigan and it took me six years to graduate, but I eventually did it. Sorry, you're really much more interesting than I am...." 

"Interesting comes at a price." Catra smiled over her drink. "Anyways, I can definitely see you as a cheerleader, how have I never heard about that?"   
  
"Well, I wasn't on the competition team or anything, I just went to games. I made a good base of the pyramid, though. I-" She turned as some sort of speed dating event was set up behind them. Scorpia had been on a couple dates since the whole situation with Catra started, but nothing really even panned out, and she found herself thinking about Catra more often then not.   
  
"I think things are gonna start getting crowded. Do you wanna go upstairs?" Catra leaned in close.

"Yeah, let's go." The walk upstairs seemed to be so much longer than the one down, heavy with anticipation. The door was locked, their high heels quickly kicked off, Catra pulling Scorpia closer and closer, their lips meeting and meeting again until they practically fell onto Catra's bed, the pristine white sheets underneath them.

"We probably shouldn't be doing this." Scorpia whispered, half-smiling, Catra just inches underneath her. 

"Then leave." Catra smirked, showing off her catlike fangs. "Your bed is right over there." She was right- Scorpia could, at any time, just roll over and go to her bed, and she knew Catra wouldn't hold it against her. She just....didn't.

"But I don't want to leave." She leaned in close, her lips brushing the side of Catra's face, feeling Catra's breath hitch and her hands all over her back. It was only afterwards, when they were tangled up in the sheets, that Scorpia finally felt brave enough to say one of the many thoughts running through her mind, coming out as a request rather than a question. "You should probably break up with Mark." 

"It's not......it's not as simple as that." Catra played with the threads of the sheets,not meeting her eyes. "You don't understand, okay? I'm just trying to...I'm just....I don't know." 

"Maybe I understand more than you think I do." Scorpia put her hand on top of Catra's. "Just, you're literally cheating on your fiance and maybe you should...." 

"I get that I'm hurting him. Do you not think I have morals or something? It's just...." She leaned in. "I just don't want him like I want you."   
  
"So leave him! Catra, you would be so much happier without him. And we could be together, and we could be happy!"   
  
Catra bit her lip, considering. "Don't say things like that. That's not....that's not how things usually work out for me."   
  
"So, what's your plan, exactly? Marry this guy that you don't love and you're not attracted to, and just keep screwing people on the side when things don't work out with me?"   
  
"You know what?" Something in that sentence had obviously struck a nerve, and Catra started to raise her voice. "You knew good and well I was engaged, so don't start playing the victim! Whatever, I'm going outside." She slipped on a robe and flip flops and went out to the balcony. 

"Fuckin....Jesus, Cat, come back...." Scorpia also threw on a bathrobe, joining Catra outside on the balcony. 

"God, you're following me out here now too? You don't know when to quit, do you?" 

"I guess I don't! Maybe I don't even know why I try!" 

"Christ." Catra leaned back against the wall of the hotel. "You have put up with way more shit from me than literally any sane person ever would. You know, you could find someone else. Look at you, you could probably have anyone you wanted." She looked Scorpia up and down. 

"Well, I don't want them. I want you."   
  
"Okay, so you're just crazy." Catra sighed. "Look, I'm fucked up, okay? I'm not saying that to be edgy or quirky but because I actually am, and I know it. I didn't expect all of this to happen, okay? When I got engaged, it was with every intention of being loyal, and I didn't expect to be twenty six with the perfect person falling into my lap, but I guess we just have to fucking deal with that now! And part of me really wants to break up with him and part of me doesn't and I'm just such a basketcase, and I hate that I'm hurting you. And I'm sorry." 

"Sorry....just, that was a lot." _Wait, did Catra seriously just refer to me as the perfect person? _

Catra wrapped her arms around herself. "And if you think I'm just using you as an experiment or something....I don't want you to think that. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way." 

Scorpia put a comforting hand on Catra's shoulder. "It's okay. We can figure it out together, but right now, do you wanna get some sleep? We have a big day tomorrow." 

"Mhm." Catra nodded, but it was only when they were tucked into her bed, Catra snuggled against her chest, that she whispered something that Scorpia almost missed. 

  
"I love you." 

"I love you too, wildcat." 


	4. Chapter 4

Scorpia took in the sight of the blonde woman standing in front of her.   
  
"Sorry to bother you.....I was just wondering if you knew Catra Garcia?"

"Well, I don't directly report to her, and I think she's in a meeting right now, but I can definitely help you schedule an appointment?" Scorpia asked, a note of confusion in her voice. _Maybe she saw me at the conference and thinks I'm Catra's assistant or something? _

"Thanks, but I think I'll come back another day. This is more of a personal thing, we've been missing each other's calls for like a year. I'm her old college friend, my name's Adora." 

_So you're Adora? I've probably heard a lot more about you than you have about me. _Scorpia thought to herself, as she leaned back, taking in the woman's presence, comparing with everything she'd heard of Adora through Catra over the past year, every Google search she had made at midnight, every time she'd wondered what Catra's first love had been like. 

"Yeah, Catra and I are.... close friends too."

"It's just.....well, you know Catra. I get concerned about her sometimes, even after all these years." Adora said, scratching the back of her neck.

"Catra definitely has some....unique decision making." Scorpia muttered. Adora was possibly the only other person who knew what Catra was really like, or who loved Catra in the same way. "But she's definitely a strong person." 

"Well, I don't want to waste any more of your time, so I'll head out." Adora turned towards the door. 

"I hope you find whatever it is that you're looking for."

_\----------------------------------------------------------_

_Six Years Ago_

Catra was sneaking in through their window again. Adora could hear the soft fluttering of the curtains, Catra's delicate touch on the windowsill as it gently slid open. 

"Wild party?" Adora asked, her loose blonde hair falling around her shoulders. "You're home kinda early." 

Catra gazed at her through bloodshot eyes. "Yeah, it got pretty crazy. Someone fell on a pipe and it burst and everything, so we all had to leave." Catra took off her Doc Martens, Adora taking in her tanned skin and toned legs as she climbed onto Adora's bed, Adora gripping her by the shoulders and pulling her into a passionate kiss. Everything swirled together as Adora felt Catra's hips grinding against hers, Catra guiding her hands to exactly where she wanted, her fingers gripping the edge of Catra's jeans. 

"Fuck..." She shivered as Catra's teeth lightly grazed her neck, her collarbones. She started to unbutton Catra's shirt, finding hickeys from other people and just ignoring them, because they were the only two people who mattered in the world right then. 

Afterwards, neither of them could sleep a wink, energy pulsing through their bodies. Adora watched as Catra pulled out her phone, texting some guy that Adora knew was interested in her. 

Adora chewed her lip, ready to ask a question that could mess up everything. "Do you like him?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Do you like him? Do you like any of the guys you've been messing around with? Are you even attracted to them? Am I just an experiment to you?" 

"Adora, you're not an experiment...." Catra sighed, her voice cracking. "It's just....I can't keep doing this forever, you know? One day, I'm probably gonna wanna settle down with a man and get married and like, have kids...."

"So that's your great fucking plan?" Adora asked, her grey-blue eyes like a stormy sea. "Find some guy, and get married so he can be your meal ticket and live some perfect life with someone you're not even attracted to? How the hell do you think that's gonna work? And I'm - what, the side chick you happen to be fucking?" 

"It's not like that! I really care about you, Adora..." 

"Well, it sounds like it is, and I don't- I don't know if I wanna be part of this anymore." 

"OK." Catra just stared at the blank floor.   
  
".....are you attracted to those guys?"   
  
"I'm going to sleep." 

\----------------------------------------------------------

"We need to talk." Mark pulled Catra into his office, all business. His office was always meticulously neat, something Catra always admired, because she could name at least two people who could never keep a desk that neat.

"What about?" She asked, leaning back, casual, always so casual.

"About Scorpia." His face looked totally devoid of emotion. "And about you, I guess."

"What...what exactly do we need to talk about?" Catra's eyes flickered around the room, her mouth turning dry, forcing herself to sit down. "Has she been bringing in stray dogs and feeding them again? Because I can talk to her about it...." 

"I think you know what I'm talking about." He folded his arms, a crease between his eyebrows. 

"No...I don't- I h-honestly don't..." She could feel her heart beating out of her chest, her mind starting to cloud, her fingers starting to tingle, but behind her anxiety, she was internally cringing at herself. _I'm still so afraid of losing him. _

"Ok, so do you think I'm blind or just an idiot?" His voice seethed with anger, but it was strangely chilling, his voice dropping to a hissing whisper. "People who aren't cheating don't go on business trips with their coworker every other week, and they don't disappear for hours,and they don't cancel dates to spend time with their 'best friends'. Or should we talk about your rampant HR violations? Do you want to explain to me how a marketing assistant became an art director in less than a year? Next time, just hire a prostitute, it'll be cheaper."

"Don't talk about her that way!" Catra could feel her voice starting to go higher and higher. "I'm so sorry....it's just....." 

"Spare me the self pity. You have a victim complex the size of the sun. And don't even act like you're guilty. You're just sorry you got caught." 

"Mark, I really did go into this relationship with every intention of making things work, okay? You've gotta believe me. I mean, look at you, you're handsome and smart and ambitious and everything a girl would want....." 

"....and you feel like you're nothing without me. But honestly, Catra, if you want to stay with me, and make things work, you can. " 

They stood there in silence for a few moments. To her surprise, Catra was the one to speak first.

"I want to break up." 

"And it's probably best if you resign."   
  
Catra took a few seconds, processing, her brain a flurry of thoughts and half-baked plans. _So I'll have to resign...I can probably start looking for jobs tomorrow, and then after that I can..._

"Okay. I guess I'll just...leave then." She said, her voice strangely calm.

It wasn't until Catra hit the pavement of the city street, the winter air cold around her, that it hit her that she and Mark really had broken up, that she really had resigned from her job. She felt empty and alone and strangely free. 

She caught a glimpse of someone in front of her, making their way through the city streets. A tight blonde ponytail, a red leather jacket that Catra would recognize anywhere. _It can't be..._She felt an internal force in her compel her through the crowds of people, until she almost tripped and the figure turned around. 

"Adora?" She noticed the wide eyes of the other woman, running a hand through her hair to compose herself.

"Hey, Catra." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh we on some sappy shit

_Thirteen Years Ago_

Catra sat at the computer at her middle school, her brow furrowed in concentration.

_how do i know if i like girls_

"Whatcha looking at?" 

"Adora, you can't just sneak up on me like that! Geez." Catra exited out of the browser in a panic. 

"Well, I thought we were walking to the library. Mom will only let me go if we walk together, so stop being a slowpoke." As Catra got her backpack on, Adora continued talking. "I just _need _to check out the latest copy of this new graphic novel! The main character is _so _cool, and fights bad guys, and in a way she kind of reminds me of myself!" 

"Uh-huh. So crazy." Catra let Adora lead her through the crowded maze of the library, stopping at the Young Adult fiction section. While Adora carefully pored over the pages of the new comic book, Catra perused the shelves, looking for something that caught her eye. She stopped at a display that read _LGBT Teen Fiction, _noticing a book that featured two girls kissing on the front cover. She quickly seized the book, flipping through it and getting a rough idea of the characters and plotline, before Adora walked up to her.

"Uhm...uh...." _Crap!_ "Someone called me a lesbian at school today, and so, I wanted to know what they meant." Catra explained to Adora. The first part wasn't a lie, but Catra did know what the word meant. 

"Well, you can't let that bother you! Someone called me gay because I play softball." Adora put a comforting hand on Catra's shoulder. 

"Uh-huh." _It normally wouldn't bother me that someone said that. _

_Except that I think I might actually be one. _Catra couldn't exactly verbalize why exactly she shouldn't get the thought out of her head.

"Anyways! I should go check out my book." Adora commented. "See in this latest chapter, our hero finds herself in peril, but thanks to her super cool alicorn friend - an alicorn is like a unicorn but can also fly...." 

_Well, it's probably nothing to worry about. I'd know for sure if I was.....right?_

As they left, Catra carefully snagged a volunteer application for the library. _Maybe if I volunteer here, I can read the rest of those books. _

\------------------------------------------------------------

_Present Day_

_This feels so surreal._

Catra sat across the small cafe table from Adora. After they had reunited on the city street, they had decided to get coffee and catch up. How many years had she thought about finally getting to see her again? 

".....so you just went into the Peace Corps without telling _anyone?_" Catra asked in shock.

"Yeah, I felt like I needed a change. Phone service was pretty spotty, so if I didn't answer your calls for a while, that was why. But when I got back, I wanted to, you know, reconnect." Adora smiled up from her cup of coffee. "In a way, I kind of miss the Ukraine, though. Now that I'm back here, it's way harder to readjust than I thought it was gonna be."   
  
"I'm sure you helped a lot of people while you were there." Catra said in an effort to be comforting, but she was still processing the fact that Adora....wasn't mad at her anymore? She didn't hold any ill will towards her? 

"I guess. I sort of did it for the wrong reasons, you know? I didn't know what to do with my life, and I wanted to run away from my problems."

"I think everyone tries to run away from their problems." Catra commented. 

"Anyways, enough about me! Tell me about you! I'm sure you've been up to all sorts of exciting adventures."  
  
"I....I really haven't. I mean, I had a fairly high-powered job, but I ended up quitting." Catra shrugged. _She doesn't need to know I quit today. _

"Did you.....ever, you know, meet someone?" Adora asked. 

"Oh. Uhm.....well, I did get engaged. And then, we ended up breaking up." Catra admitted. _That was also today. It's been kind of crazy. _"But then I also met someone else who I feel really strongly about...."   
  
"Catra, I'm really proud of you."   
  
"What?" Catra looked up from her latte in shock. 

"I always knew you would achieve all your dreams and like.....you're actually getting there!"   
  
"I mean, I guess....and I'm sure you'll figure out what you want to do, too." 

A silence hung between them, but it wasn't awkward. Just comfortable. 

"So, we're friends, right?" Catra found herself asking. 

"Always."

\----------------------------------------------------------

_Six Months Ago_

"How was your doctor's appointment? Was everything ok?" Scorpia asked with concern in her voice as she stepped into Catra's apartment.

"Well, they said nothing is wrong with me, physically anyways." Catra sighed as she flopped down on the couch, looking at the sheath of papers from the doctor that listed a million different possibilities for what could possibly be wrong with her. "It's just.....Mark and I can't....we're having trouble...it's all my fault, I can't relax enough."

"Well, maybe you could just talk to Mark about things you'd enjoy doing?" _God, she always acts like such a therapist. _Catra normally appreciated that Scorpia was always there to listen, and that she could tell her anything, but right now, as she looked the other woman up and down, in her tight button down and short pencil skirt, she wished for a lot of different things. _Ugh, can I just be normal for a second? _"Have you ever, you know, enjoyed physical intimacy? Like, with anyone?" 

"Christ,you don't have to be so clinical." Catra half-laughed. "This is....um.....my college roommate and I experimented a couple times. I liked that. I trusted her more than I trusted anyone." She intently switched her gaze to the window, not meeting Scorpia's eyes. 

"Well, that's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Despite her words of comfort, Catra still didn't respond. "Uhm...your apartment is really clean! My apartment is so messy, I can't even sit at my dining room table." Scorpia giggled. 

"Yeah, but like, in a cute way. Like, it is really cluttered, but only because you have paint and canvases and sheet music and books everywhere. It's better than being ordinary." Catra was so close to Scorpia that she could almost whisper that last part. "I.....Can I kiss you?"   
  
"Of course." Scorpia answered a little quicker than Catra had anticipated, and the next thing Catra knew, they were making out on top of her couch. Unlike the last time, they were completely alone, and Catra felt things start to escalate. 

"Cat." Scorpia looked up at her with bright brown eyes. "I know you haven't had the best experiences in the past, but would you want to try with me?"

"Absolutely." Catra said without a second thought, even knowing what she was putting at risk. She was able to set aside every doubt in her mind, every fear or hesitation. They practically ran to her bedroom and she was no longer the pragmatic, calculating, person she had always been, she just let herself feel and experience and actually want something.

It was only afterwards, when Scorpia went to go get a change of clothes out of her car that Catra actually stepped back and thought about what she’d done.

_Fuck. _Catra lay face up in her bed, staring at the lines in her ceiling, a million thoughts running through her brain, her nails scratching against her palms. Every relationship where something felt off or missing, every relationship where things didn't work out, was this why? She had always thought Adora was the only person who she could ever love romantically, or actively desire, or want to do something like that with. That had always been how she reasoned it out.

_Or maybe I'm just gay and in denial. _

_Scratch that. I'm definitely just gay and in denial. _

\-----------------------------------------------------------

_Three Months Ago_

"Oh, Catra, you look so beautiful!" One of her sisters exclaimed as Catra looked at herself in the mirror. _I look like a powder puff. _Catra frowned at the fluffy white skirt of the ballgown. It was their first day of wedding dress shopping, and Catra had her sisters, mom, and some other relatives there, to help pick out just the right dress. Entrapta and Scorpia were also there, Scorpia on her phone, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but there. Inviting Scorpia had been sort of awkward, but she couldn't _not_ invite her. _Plus, she's my best friend. My best friend who I'm in love with and also hooking up with. _

"I don't think this is the one.....I want something really unique, that really makes me stand out, you know? It has to be perfect." Catra explained. "I'm gonna change out of this while you guys go look for new dresses. Scorpia, come with me?" 

"Your family seems really awesome!" Scorpia chirped as they headed to the changing rooms. 

"Yeah, they're sweet." Catra commented. She couldn't help but feel a little upset with them. _Can't they tell how unhappy and nervous I am? _ _Well, I guess can't expect them to be mind readers....._ She sighed Scorpia started to unlace her all too-complex dress.

Scorpia leaned in close, almost whispering. "How long are we gonna keep this up, wildcat?" 

"Keep up what?" Catra asked, feigning innocence as she stepped out of her dress, putting on a T-shirt and skinny jeans. 

"This. Us. Everything." Scorpia said, resting a hand on Catra's hip. _Fuck. I didn't know this was still bothering her._

Before Catra could answer, Entrapta was knocking on the changing room door. "What kinda bridesmaids dress should I be looking for?" 

"You and Scorpia just need to find coordinating colors. I don't care about the style." 

"Here, we can start looking at some together." Scorpia opened the door, joining Entrapta. Catra looked around the store, noticing her family had fanned out to look at the dazzling array of dresses in every shape and design. Catra ran her fingers past some of them, feeling the intricate beading and chiffon under her fingertips. Sometimes she idly thought about what it would be like if she were just marrying Scorpia instead of Mark. At least things like cake tasting would probably be more fun, and they'd probably have better taste in venues to tour.....

"You okay?" Catra felt her mom gently put a hand on her shoulder. 

"Yeah, this whole wedding thing is just a lot, you know?" 

"Sweetie." Catra's mom clasped her hands in her own, worn from years of scrubbing hotel rooms. Catra had been the only one of her sisters to inherit her mom's heterochromia, so she looked at eyes that looked just like hers, just thirty years older and worlds more tired. "Marrying Mark is gonna help you more than you could ever know. It's going to make your life so much easier" 

"I know." Catra bit her lip. "But this is my wedding, and the dress has to be perfect, you know? I can't get married until it's perfect." 

\-----------------------------------------------

_Present_

"Oh, this is a surprise!" Scorpia opened her door to find Catra standing outside.   
  
"Yeah, it's been a pretty wild day." Catra took off her coat, finding a place for it on an antique coat rack. She sat down at the small kitchen table in Scorpia's apartment, moving the other woman's guitar off a chair. "Uhm....I resigned from my job."   
  
Scorpia looked up from the soup she had been making. "You did _what?" _

"And Mark and I broke up."  
  
"Oh. Oh my God, really? Like it's really over?"  
  
"Yep." Catra looked down at her shoes. It still felt a little foreign that she was finally free, finally didn't have to see or talk to him ever again. "It's...really over." _And other people have forgiven me for all the shit I've done, so maybe I can start to forgive myself. _

"Catra, that's awesome. I know you're probably feeling like a ton of emotions right now, but seriously, I really think you made the right choice." Scorpia wrapped her in a trademark hug.  
  
"Nah, I really just feel relieved. Listen, I know we've been through a lot together, and honestly this whole thing was probably a roller coaster for you, and I put you through way too much, but I love you. I really do. And I really wanna make things work with you." Catra tried to brush away some of the tears that were forming in her eyes out of sheer emotion. "God, I wish you had met me when I was like, fifteen. Back when life was less complicated."   
  
"I don't wish that. I love you as you are now, Cat. All your flaws, all your complexity, all of you." She brushed back a lock of Catra's hair. "I want to try to make things work too." 

"Would you...want to be my girlfriend?" Catra asked her voice shaky.   
  
"I would love to." Scorpia smiled, pulling Catra in for a kiss. After a few minutes, they were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. 

"Entrapta? Double Trouble?" Scorpia opened the door to see their two friends holding a cake.   
  
"Hey, we heard the whole Mark situation was finally resolved!" Entrapta chirped. _So....they brought a cake? I have weird friends. _Catra thought to herself. _It's kind of sweet though..._  
  
"How'd you...." Catra started to ask. 

"I have my ways." D.T. commented. "Hey, can we stay for dinner?" 

"Sure, let me just clear off the table...." Scorpia grabbed a file folder full of charcoal drawings. 

_Tomorrow, I'll have to start looking for a job. And after that, I'll have to tell my family about Scorpia and I....but right now things are going pretty good. Better than good._ Things had turned out completely differently than Catra had expected but she wouldn't have had things any other way.

_I'm on top of the motherfucking world right now. _


End file.
